As I approach the 5th anniversary of Austen’s death, November 25, 2014, I find myself in the position of having just lost my father one month ago at the age of 93. And I think because of this, the memory of Austen’s death and the days leading up to it have been harder and sadder for me this year. Austen at 23, my dad at 93 – two people whom I loved, cherished and admired, who thought life was amazing and who endeavored to meet life’s challenges with as much positivity and optimism as they each could muster.
Reading through some of Austen’s ‘Journey Through Sobriety’ has soothed my soul a bit and reminded me of Austen’s efforts and insights at trying to make a life for himself under the circumstances he found himself in. On this day, the day after, and most every day, I pay tribute to him.
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Austen Berj Brooks with his grandfather, Torcome Gaizak Sahakian, Christmas 2011. Austen was 20 years old, my father was 85.
Letting Life Happen
by Austen Berj BrooksWords don’t do it justice. Life is amazing. Opportunity is knocking. I am ready to be me. What other people think and their judgments are their own business. I am only in the business of cultivating greatness inside of me. A pleasant place to be and self-assuredness. It doesn’t matter what happened in the past. Sure I’ve overcome a lot, but there’s not time to dwell in pity and resentment. Go forward with everything you have at your disposal. Think about you and being who you want to be. Never change to meet someone else’s expectations. What is life? No one knows. There’s no right or wrong way to live. It’s all made up. I’m going to do it my way.
If I live the right way, do the right things, walk the right path, things will be uncovered to me. It might mean suffering in the short term to reap the rewards in the near and distant future. I just want to let go of all the bullshit. The narrative of my life is a fictional recollection of the events that actually occurred. Nothing holds these events together in reality. They are interconnected, but not in the way that I pretend they are. It’s made up. I am whatever I want to be. My only limits are those I place upon myself. I have to nurture the talents that I possess. I have to use these abilities for good. . . Happiness will grow.
There is no magic bullet. It’s just existing in a pure and honest way and letting life happen. August, 2014
And life happens every day, in its own way . . .
A Tucson sunrise, ‘Pure and Honest,’ captured on February 5, 2016, Tucson, AZ. © 2019 Suzanne Sahakian.
I love this photo of Austen, his maturing face, his direct gaze, his calm and cool demeanor. He was sensitive, caring, loving, intelligent, thoughtful and reflective. He was also addicted to opiates – not by choice, not by will, not intentionally. In his second, focused attempt at sobriety, he attained a clarity and maturity I had not seen in him before – he was 22 years old, had graduated from Indiana University, and he wanted to get on with his life – he wanted a ‘normal’ life but knew he could never have the kind of normality he was seeking. It would have to be a new ‘normal’, one created to fit his circumstances and to allow him to thrive. ‘Happiness is right around the corner,’ he wrote in recovery. He never stopped appreciating the natural beauty and loveliness of the world. And that is where I feel closest to him – outdoors, whether standing on a balcony or taking a morning walk – he is there in the gentle wind, the fresh flowers, the majestic mountains, the vast blue sky, the stars on a clear night, the endless beach, the wandering trail – that is where I feel his warm, encouraging presence.
Austen Berj 